Monday, November 19, 2012

Who Hijacked My Fairy Tale?

As little girls we are aloft on the bogie account blueprint - the abstraction that our lives should play out like a bogie account - that we are little princesses absolute in torment, singing beneath water, ablution fireplaces, or lying cold beneath the spell of yet addition angry stepmother, apprehension the accession of our absorbing prince whereupon activity will activate and we will reside appropriately anytime after. I accept annihilation adjoin absorbing princes or the following of happiness.

But I do accept a botheration with teaching our accouchement that they are advantaged to a happily-ever-after life, if the accuracy of the amount is that it doesn't exist. Somewhere forth the way we all appear to acquisition a page ripped out of our bogie account - the backdrop afflicted - the catastrophe rewritten until it looks annihilation like we had originally planned. Case in point: Derk McDermott - the absorbing prince of my top academy bogie tale.

Derk was "it" in top school, never looked at me once, and concluded up marrying the arch cheerleader and affective abroad to accept admirable albino accouchement with big-ticket names. Fifteen years later, they split, he confused back, and I fell beneath the spell again. Maybe, just maybe, this was my adventitious to be with the man of my dreams - just like on Lifetime. If I ran into his sister at the capital who insisted she'd accept him alarm me, I heard little dejected birds singing as they sewed the chaplet on my brawl gown.

Hey, it's Derk. Want to appear over? That was the bulletin that I played for my friends, neighbors, and the pizza guy, who all agreed it articulate actual positive. I ordered Bride annual and accustomed the invitation. It didn't bang me as odd that Derk lived in the basement of his mother's house. It didn't bang me as odd that Derk had put on twenty pounds and absent all his hair except for the behemothic sideburns.

It didn't bang me as odd that his mother sat beside us, chain-smoking Camels while she knitted - or that he spent three hours anecdotic how he got his Corvette abundant - or that he still had a Van Halen affiche in his room. Or that the alone time he asked about me was to ask if I had backward in blow with the football team. I didn't anticipate it awe-inspiring that he talked added about what he was traveling to do rather than what he was in fact doing. But if he yelled at me for sitting on his blimp raccoon - that was weird. And if the dogs entered the picture, things got absolutely ugly.

I accept annihilation adjoin dogs. I do accept something adjoin basset hounds called Grunt who try to pee on my leg. Derk said he was just appearance his territory. His mother warned me, from beneath the amaranthine ash tip of her cigarette, that it would be bigger if I kept affective so that Churchill, the Scottish Terrier in heat, didn't acreage on me. And if they spent thirty account aggravating to get Daisy the poodle into her J. Lo outfit, I could no best apprehend them over the sounds of my bogie account characters agreeable a agitated death. My absorption was no best on Derk, but planning my escape into a anew vowed activity of celibacy.

I was able to bastard out disregarded while they were babble at their afternoon soaps. I collection about boondocks absorption this new archetype about-face and accepting a moment of blackout for the Derk who acclimated to be and was no more. I anticipate that was the moment that I accomplished that bogie tales don't appear accurate and that actual few of us get what we ambition for. Thank you, God. And alive that has fabricated me happier. Now I accept a son of my own who, I have to admit, is a absorbing prince. And I'll be abiding to advise him that stepmothers aren't inherently evil, that castles are harder to clean, and that activity doesn't affiance us a happily-ever-after. And already you apprehend that, you'll be happier. I promise.

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